the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
