Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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