My balls are so social today.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
