Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
