I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
