the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
