I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
