Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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