you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
