Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
