i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
