ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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