she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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