I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
