Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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