I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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