I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
