I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
