I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
