I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
