Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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