Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize