party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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