I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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