Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He felt like a one man threesome
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
