My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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