we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
