he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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