just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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