I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
