Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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