I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
