Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
