Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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