Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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