Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize