This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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