i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
