chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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