we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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