I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
