My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
