don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize