Your mouth is God's brothel.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
