I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You should frame my arrest warrant.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
