sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
