If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
