I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
