just survived the first fart of the relationship.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
