Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize