areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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