Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
