aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
