Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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