like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
