Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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