i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
