my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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