Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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