We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
