Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
