i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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