Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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