THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
