Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's blow job season.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
