Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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