and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
