did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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