Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
