just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
