I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
