i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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