I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize