i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
