I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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