Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
