giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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