I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
