Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
