u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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