Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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