You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
