I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
