why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
