How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
