he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
