dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
