Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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