Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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