well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
