I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
