I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
