Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I could make wine with my vomit
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
