Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
