All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
