hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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