I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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