it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
