I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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