You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
