The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
