By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Randomize
