If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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