I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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