I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
