We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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