You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
