Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
