Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
