Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
