.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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