Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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