making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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