By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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